First Day of Deployment

It’s sort of the little things.  At first, I just figured that it was the result of my first trans-Atlantic flight screwing me up, but now I realize that there are just a whole lot of things that are 2 degrees off.  For example.  Coke.  Now, I have not been able to go downtown, but based on what I see on post, Coke adds life, but you can forget about Pepsi.  Doesn’t exist.  Coke has the ingredients listed on the can in simple, easy to read, plain text.  There are no preservatives in Coke here, and its all cane sugar.  Alters the taste a bit, kind of odd.  The cans are a tiny bit thicker also, they just feel wrong.  It’s not bad, it’s just… off.  The plumbing here also off.  The hot and cold knob are on the sides of the faucet, and I do mean on the sides of the faucet.  They knobs face out on each side facing to your left and right.  To get the hot water, you turn the knob away from you, to get cold, you turn the knob toward you.  Every time I turn the faucets off, I feel like I’m trying to wring something’s neck.  Freaking weird.  The toilets here are also from the save-the-whales school of thought and a flush uses about an ounce of water.  I am a good ole’ southern boy, and a gallon of water a flush is often inadequate to get the job done.  The toilets here have some sort of vacuum system and they don’t fool around.  I’m a little afraid to do a courtesy flush while sitting on one of those things.  All sorts of things might end up damp.

One of the first things I saw when I got to the hooch was a note of the door from someone with the previous rotation that tagged out with us at the airport.  It said “remember: TIS (This Is Sinai).”  That really seems to sum it up.  We are in North Africa, and the operative word here is AFRICA.  Africa has been confusing the unholy bat shit out of white people since white people discovered Africa.  It’s an institutional thing that has only gained momentum over the centuries.  Hell, the Jews wandered around the Sinai for 40 years.  The damn thing is only about 100 miles wide.  The sun rises in the east, sets in the west.  The average person walks 4 miles an hour.  Come out of Egypt, walk due east for a month, BAM, Israel.  Can’t miss it.  40 years?  Welcome to Africa.

Bahdy… bahdy!  I have the BEST DEAL for you, ma friend, ma friend!  Yeah, I’m in the land of flea markets and haggling.  Everyone is your friend and your “bahdy” and has a super deal for you.  In that noble spirit, my First Sergeant had a super deal for me.  The guy I was replacing was still living in my room, so I spend the first couple nights in the room of a guy that was not here yet.  I got to move to a “better” room today (the room I was supposed to be in.  Keeps the paperwork simple.  BAM.  The air conditioning does not work.  Super deal #1.  Caveat emptor is the law of the land around here.

There is an amazing concept that I have learned since I got here.  It is called “Insha'Allah.”  It, very simply, means “if God wills it.”  In the south, we often say “God willing…”  but we fuck it up!  These cats have it going on!  Insha’Allah can be used by pious, hardworking people as an honest expression of hope for the future.  Or it can be used as it is used around here.  Around here it means “don’t hold your breath.”  The real difference of usage is the accompanying shrug and slight smile.  Not a smirk, the Egyptians are a very polite people, but a tiny smile.  The shrug and smile tells you that hell freezes over before you get what you need.  Try a rustling handshake next.  See the next paragraph below about The Power of a Buck.  Insha'Allah.  How much trouble I could have gotten into as a child if only I had this magical expression.

DAD:  “Boy!  I told you to mow the lawn!  When is the grass getting cut?”
ME: (shrug, slight smile) “Insha'Allah.”

DAD: “Boy, do you think that trash can is going to empty itself?”
ME: (shrug, slight smile) “Insha'Allah.”

You see the potential here?  It’s freaking limitless!  I think I will immediately adopt this procedure for future relationship issues.

Girlfriend “We never go anywhere anymore!  When are you taking me out?”
Me: (shrug, slight smile) “Insha'Allah.”

Girlfriend “YOU CAME TOO SOON!”
Me: (shrug, slight smile) “Insha'Allah.”

Oh, yeah, this is going to be the wave of the future. 

                One of the most amazing differences here is the amazing power of a buck.  Really.  A buck makes things happen.  I took in a sack of clothes to the laundry.  Laundry is a free service here. 

Me: “When will this be back?”
Guy at The Counter: “Thursday maybe… maybe before the weekend.”
Me: “Thursday??”
Guy at The Counter: “Insha'Allah.”
Me (slipping a buck under the bag): “No sooner?”
Guy at The Counter: “Tomorrow after twelve.”

A buck gets things done here.  If you try to tip a waiter in America a buck, you will get looked down upon.  A cabbie will curse you in languages you will never speak.  Around here, people actually do things for a buck.  It’s amazing to me.  A good military haircut costs 2 bucks.  You might think that it is because the area is poor and a dollar goes a long way, but you would be wrong.  A case of Coke that Walmart would be selling for 4.99 costs 9 bucks.  We are in a resort area.  There are 10 casinos within 4 square miles.  The Red Sea is a destination for divers worldwide.  This place is the Rivera for the upper middle class all throughout the Mideast.  Dunno, maybe there is some sort of class system in place where the average person is shut off from access to American money and it is worth more or something, but people sure are glad to get a buck here.

                Oh, yeah, one last thing.  Bottled water.  They don’t fuck around here.  There is no joke about bottled water being a waste of money and bad for the environment.  This is a desert, and people here would stab their grandmother over a cup of water.  We don’t have any of those sissy-ass 20 oz bottles of Evian, or Crystal Springs, oh hell no!  The bottled water here is called “BARAKA” (which loosely translates to “water”) and the only sized bottle it comes in is 1.5 liters!  20 oz bottles are WEAK!  We carry around a liter and a half at a time.  The freaking bottles look huge.  It’s sort of disconcerting, but TIS!

Freaking huge looking bottle